If you think about how you choose the people you spend time with in your life, be it in a personal or professional perspective is it about the car they drive? or the house they live in? or the things they ‘acquire’?

or is it about how they make you feel? What they stand for and believe in? and what they have and are aiming to achieve?

for me it’s the latter every time!

If this is as true for you as it is for me, then why do so many of us try to ‘keep up with the joneses’ and buy bigger houses, more expensive cars and stuff we don’t need to prove we’re doing well.

To start to explain this let’s kick off with a statement. A statement which initially might sound quite harsh, or confrontational but is actually grounded in hours of study, research and analysis…

Everyone cares less about you than you think.

Now, before you start to write in with complaints (I’m imagining the emails – Dear Chris, you used to be quite a nice bloke! What happened!?) let me explain.

We all care what other people think.

We assume that we’re going to be judged harshly, and in group settings we think we can have the feeling that we’re being constantly judged. An interesting study of this subject was conducted a few years ago.

In the experiment a participant was asked to enter a room of people but instead of wearing their normal clothes they were asked to put on…

A Barry Manilow t shirt.

Whilst for some wearing a T shirt emblazoned with the image of the singer of “Mandy” and “Copacabana” might be seen as a badge of honour many people see it as a bit of an embarrassment.

After 10 minutes in the room the individual was asked to guess how many people noticed the fact they were wearing the t shirt containing one of pop’s most cheesy icons.

The guesses ranged from 45 – 60%.

However the perception was completely different from the reality.

When the other individuals in the room we’re asked only 20 – 25% noticed each time.

This study (which can be found in full here) highlights the impact of The Spotlight Effect.

For people who feel the spotlight effect (and that’s normally all of us) assume that we are being judged harshly and constantly, mainly on our appearance when in actual fact most people most of the time most people don’t really care.

Understanding this can be quite liberating.

It’s liberating to play a game you choose and instead of focusing on how you’re perceived, or how you look, or the ‘status symbols’ you acquire understanding that most people don’t care about these things gives you a massive opportunity to live your life based on what you want to truly achieve, your values and your own personal goals.

It’s liberating to understand that most people don’t care what car you drive, or how big your house is, or how many gadgets you’ve got.

I’d also go as far as suggesting that you shouldn’t care about the ones who do!

and

It’s liberating to understand that you don’t need to spend all your money today to ‘prove yourself’ but having a longer term plan to live the life you desire, and taking tiny steps to achieve that goal isn’t going to mean that people will think worse of you.

If we’re being frank, when it comes to the car you drive, or the house you live in, or the ‘shiny stuff’ you own…

Most people really don’t care.