I’m not particularly ‘manly’.

Whilst you might find me plodding the streets every now and again pretending to run and more often recently jumping up and down at my gym…I’m not particularly coordinated. I also follow what goes on with football casually and other sports even less.

I love to laugh…but I’m also not afraid to cry. Sometimes it’s when I’m feeling sad but often it might just be at a TV show or Movie.

I believe authenticity is more important than perfection and that a lot of the unhappiness we face is often because we’re so busy pretending to be something we’re not….and I’m certainly a million miles away from perfect.

Now I know if you’re reading this you’re probably luckier than most however I also know your life isn’t perfect. Mine certainly isn’t

You and I have good days. You and I have bad days.

You and I have days when everything seems to be going wrong and the next day everything goes your way.

The way you react to these different days certainly matters but perfection is a fallacy we often pretend we’ve got so that we look ‘successful’ or ‘strong’ or ‘winners’…or even more frustratingly ‘right’ (particularly when many issues are ‘shades of grey’)

However an experience I’ve had this week shows how bizarre pretending were always ‘right’ or ‘successful’ is…

You see earlier this week I received a call from someone I like and respect a lot. A fellow professional who is fun to be around, works hard and I know from the clients we look after together and the work he’s done for us does an amazing job.

We had a collaborative project we were working on and he contact me to tell me that currently he’d been suffering from some anxiety and depression and he wouldn’t able to continue with the project.

“Don’t worry about it” I said “Make sure you’re Ok….and if you need anything from me, even if it’s just a chat, let me know.”

“Thanks” he said “I’m so sorry to let you down. It’s not a great time at the minute but I’m getting the help I need….I really appreciate you understanding and the fact that I can give you a call means a lot.”

“No worries…” I replied “….you didn’t let me down. Your own health comes first and I’m glad you’re getting some help.”

After chatting to my friend I reflected on the word that best described his situation…and I could only think of one which was appropriate…

Brave

….but should this be the Brave thing to do or the normal thing to do?

A couple of weeks ago on this blog Richard told of his friend and client who took his own life (The hardest part of our job)… it was a brave article and Rich was right to write it as not only did it showcase the amazing work he does for his clients but also the importance of putting your hand up if you’re struggling mentally, saying you want to talk and sharing the issue.

I thought back to the conversation I had with my friend earlier this week and thought about what I might have done if the tables were turned…

I’m fantastically lucky. I’ve had some tough times personally pretty recently but I’m blessed with an amazing family who support me, laugh at me and make me laugh and even when I’m going through a tough time mentally help me in a million different ways. I also have a number of other things which help me maintain good mental health including exercise, writing, intentional kindness, gratefulness and humility.

However I’m also not silly (or if I am only a bit!). 

I know that an individuals mental health can be fragile and whilst this time my friend was suffering….next time it might be me whose struggling badly.

I’m glad he told me. I still think he’s amazing and his authenticity and willingness to be open and honest means that our relationship will continue for years to come both personally and professionally…

…but I also think there’s work to be done.

I’ve often said I live my life intentionally wearing a pair of rose tinted glasses.

I think we’re better off when we work together, we help each other out and we focus on building each other up instead of dragging each other down. I believe in kindness not competition.

However I’d suggest we also need to work harder to make sure we’re more open. That we treat people who are struggling with their mental health with the same compassion and support we’d provide for someone with a Broken leg. That we talk more about mental health. That we stop the pretense of perfection and admit that we’re all flawed in one way or another.

I’m certainly going to carry on trying to help people if I can. Sometimes I’ll get it right. Sometimes I’ll get it wrong…

…after all no ones is perfect. Definitely not me.

What do you think?